Lapse Of Judgement

Lapse Of Judgement

My Pen Mates,

Over the years, I've learned to classify this not as poor decision making, but as an error in setting expectations. It has a stigma attached to it; like a revelation of a weakness, or having your guards down, or laying oneself vulnerable to temptation and slipping off a course. I find that these do happen, that circumstances sometimes conspire or converge to create spur of the moment errors in assessing a situation and make one take the wrong turn in the fork of life. But these are few and far in between; the lapse of judgement that more frequently occurs has to do with how we set ourselves up for disappointment with set expectations regarding people.

I believe the reason we get hurt in relationships has a lot to do with life's discordance with the mental picture we have of how it should be. We go through our days working towards a defined yet uncharted goal; work for a living, shop and prepare food, keeping a healthy living environment, raising strong and intelligent children, etc. Yet paths to these objectives morph constantly and we learn to become adaptive agents, to "roll with the punches" that come our way as we pursue goals and fulfil our roles. Herein lies the source of hurt and disappointment. Because life does not operate in a vacuum, it is formed and shaped by physical, emotional, and spiritual stimuli where not only the pro-active prevails, but those who react nimbly are equally rewarded. In my view, the more firm the goals, the more brittle the bearer. The disappointments mount because the lapses get piled on.

Reading people and labelling them, expectations of compliance when circumstances are wrong, random events changing project outcomes, being influenced by opposing idea in the course of pursuing a goal __ these influence judgement. Our biases, proclivities, cultural exposure, and of course intelligence are the blocks that trip us up, ironic in that the same set of elements constitute a character that can propel one to great heights. The more I contemplate this dichotomy, the more I gravitate towards a philosophy of finding comfort in my own skin; that my lapses are never necessary but extremely important. They make me appreciate my essence and that what's within me can cause me to fall, or allow me to rise.

Mon