From Darkness, Light

From Darkness, Light
My Pen Mates,

The age of innocence does not exist until viewed in hindsight. Those years which we label as such are products of nostalgia; glowing reminiscences of youthful years, sweetened by a seeming lack of complexity and a limitless amount of tomorrows.

Yet there were dark days even then. When one lived in the moment, periods of longing and sadness did overwhelm-- did usurp ones ability to reason, to cope, to hope. Then the moment passes. Through perseverance, faith, or both, life goes on. Sometimes grotesquely damaged, sometimes strengthened. But the tomorrows keep on coming despite our struggles. We reach that luxurious moment when we can call the past the golden years, of simple living, of freedom and energy.

When I became a parent I held no such perspective. I derived joy from the simple proximity of my family and the opportunity to be active with them, to share knowledge, nourishment and laughter. My kids are now in their teenage years and I enjoy them more than ever. But now I look back to when I was their age (due perhaps to some wisdom that comes with my personal journey to middle age), and remember that it was not so simple back then for me. It wasn't because my life was especially complicated or hard, just that I saw life through my personal prism which at that point was unfocused and yes, immature. So I had struggles which to me were far from trivial, at least with my as of yet poorly developed coping mechanism. Even my mistakes were not easily labeled as such. I believe I was not the only adolescent who lived the irony of digging deeper to find oneself, not realizing that I was creating a whole that starts swallowing me. Then the confusion and isolation sets in and the darkness overcomes. And it was sad and lonely. It was draining, boring, frustrating and mind-bogglingly senseless. Of course I did not reflect like this back then; I was trapped in my hole of immaturity and swimming in a sludge of unsettled hormones and various other chemical imbalances that floods youth. To me, it was just a series of issues and problems that bore down on me in waves I could not anticipate or figure out. I was in the dark and could not see beyond tomorrow, which as life would have it, kept coming and made me stronger and wiser. The light did come, although from where, was another question which the young will never find time to ask.

So here's the answer: in the moments when all there was was darkness within and questions without, a child who's loved remains a light who illuminates the hearts of his/her parents. Even during the dullest, most sullen moments, this child serves as a beacon whose presence reveals the shapes and figures of the rest of the world that allows the parents to navigate with hope and confidence. Even the shadows that the child's light creates assists in avoiding traps and missteps. It is this power to shed light even as they experience darkness within that allows a child, even innocent and immature, to reach tomorrow. And while the tomorrows that follow does erase the innocence, it is replaced in adulthood by an ability to see light where there seem to be only darkness. The power of a child to light up the world, is the one true gift that proves the meek are indeed blessed.

Mon

Discern

Discern
My Pen Mates,

Loaded some boxes in the back of the van this morning, bulk mail for processing for the church's Christmas collection. As I drove away, I looked at the rear-view mirror and had to do a double take; I initially thought the mirror was in the "dim" position, that which allows you to reduce the glare from the headlights of the car behind you. Reason was I could not see beyond the rear windshield because the reflection of the boxes on the floor behind the back seat filled the view. After jiggling the mirror and determining that it was in its regular position, I looked with a little more attention and things seemed okay -again. Seems like the angle of the glass and the color of the boxes plays a trick on the eye and I had to see beyond that to discern the cars behind me. For the rest of the ride, I found it curious that what I saw in the mirror depended on what I wanted to pay attention to; I could just as clearly determine if my cargo has shifted by focusing on the reflection, or whether a car is riding my gate by concentrating on the road behind me.

Now, by any measure, this is a trite observation not worthy of mention. All it is is a curious incident, one of those micro-fragments of everyone's waking moment that serves to keep the mind attentive. As pertains to how an insignificant event should be cause for reflection, I find it helpful to somehow find a simile between this and the way we look at life in general. It's nothing so deep that it's not been said before, but truly this is affirmation that what we see is a matter of choice. What draws our attention and what we choose to focus on can occupy the same space. Their mutual relevance may be non-existent, but to us as the observer, the juxtaposition can be ignored, observed, or as in this case, related to. Taking this meditation further, such is the germ from which progress grows: anyone making an association between disparate objects or ideas and finding a product of benefit is rewarded for making the connection. The mind processes it cognitively, and anyone who's ever fallen in love will admit that the heart does the same.....

Mon