My Pen Mates,The age of innocence does not exist until viewed in hindsight. Those years which we label as such are products of nostalgia; glowing reminiscences of youthful years, sweetened by a seeming lack of complexity and a limitless amount of tomorrows.
Yet there were dark days even then. When one lived in the moment, periods of longing and sadness did overwhelm-- did usurp ones ability to reason, to cope, to hope. Then the moment passes. Through perseverance, faith, or both, life goes on. Sometimes grotesquely damaged, sometimes strengthened. But the tomorrows keep on coming despite our struggles. We reach that luxurious moment when we can call the past the golden years, of simple living, of freedom and energy.
When I became a parent I held no such perspective. I derived joy from the simple proximity of my family and the opportunity to be active with them, to share knowledge, nourishment and laughter. My kids are now in their teenage years and I enjoy them more than ever. But now I look back to when I was their age (due perhaps to some wisdom that comes with my personal journey to middle age), and remember that it was not so simple back then for me. It wasn't because my life was especially complicated or hard, just that I saw life through my personal prism which at that point was unfocused and yes, immature. So I had struggles which to me were far from trivial, at least with my as of yet poorly developed coping mechanism. Even my mistakes were not easily labeled as such. I believe I was not the only adolescent who lived the irony of digging deeper to find oneself, not realizing that I was creating a whole that starts swallowing me. Then the confusion and isolation sets in and the darkness overcomes. And it was sad and lonely. It was draining, boring, frustrating and mind-bogglingly senseless. Of course I did not reflect like this back then; I was trapped in my hole of immaturity and swimming in a sludge of unsettled hormones and various other chemical imbalances that floods youth. To me, it was just a series of issues and problems that bore down on me in waves I could not anticipate or figure out. I was in the dark and could not see beyond tomorrow, which as life would have it, kept coming and made me stronger and wiser. The light did come, although from where, was another question which the young will never find time to ask.
So here's the answer: in the moments when all there was was darkness within and questions without, a child who's loved remains a light who illuminates the hearts of his/her parents. Even during the dullest, most sullen moments, this child serves as a beacon whose presence reveals the shapes and figures of the rest of the world that allows the parents to navigate with hope and confidence. Even the shadows that the child's light creates assists in avoiding traps and missteps. It is this power to shed light even as they experience darkness within that allows a child, even innocent and immature, to reach tomorrow. And while the tomorrows that follow does erase the innocence, it is replaced in adulthood by an ability to see light where there seem to be only darkness. The power of a child to light up the world, is the one true gift that proves the meek are indeed blessed.
Mon
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