My Parenting Style

My Parenting Style

My Pen Mates,

While parenthood was a linear expectation in my life, it happened out of love not from blueprint. I have three children who came to my life at the best possible time they could have come; not because I was ready for them but because they were ready to come to the world. My wife and I just happened to be the vessels they were delivered through, and we will serve as their stewards in appreciation of these precious gifts.

Simply, our parenting style hinges on one philosophy: stay close. No, I will not set out on a metaphysical discourse on emotional or spiritual closeness; I'm referring strictly to physical closeness. From my eldest to my youngest, Grace and I always had this yearning to envelop them in our arms and hold them against our skin. We touched cheeks, caressed backs, massaged feet, twirled hair, palpate tummies, kissed elbows and knees, and sniffed hands for as long as I can remember with our kids. They were our hobbies and our pastimes, the origin and destination of our waking hours, the foundation of our livelihood, and the picture of our future.

Around the time Angelica was two years old, we decided to start our own business. Part of it was to stoke my personal interest in starting one, but our common objective was to find a way by which we could earn a living while conducting our parenting duties. What this has brought for us as a couple and as a family is a journey filled with thrills, fears, joys, and blossoms. The realities of adult life never leaves us and we experience it just as every body else. But because we incorporated the children in the business plan, our experience is unique and our bond is special.

Keeping children close allowed me to be at ease with making mistakes. There is quick recovery knowing that it is pointless to prolong the unpleasant. Even anger is contained because there is someone to dispel it by their very presence. At nine years old, my second born took pride in knowing that they were the only children in their classes who always had either of their parents with them when they are not in school. I took them to my shop after class, and they stayed with me until their Mom picked them up to go home, or until I close shop for the day on those days that's she's held back at work.

It wasn't always easy; there was a lot of anxiety in operating a business and attending to their needs concomitantly. They were exposed to how I handled my self in public and how I conduct business. Many times, I paused to consider how my actions, decisions, even my tone of speech affect the way they perceive me as a parent and as a provider of their material and emotional care. When my son turned teenager, his interests shifted and he required more distance from the set-up which his younger siblings still thrived under. Naturally, Grace and I constantly adapt to these transitions and keep on examining our dynamics. We are not always quick to respond, and don't always make the correct reading, but I'm proud in our ability to regain our bearing through constant communication.

This proximity also serves to reduce the lag time between event and reaction. We are lucky to be able to observe behaviour up close, and able to quickly complement, correct, or redirect character as needed. We don't encounter so much of the he said/she said finger-pointing when conflict arises so our decisions are quick and management is more direct. But it's a constantly developing dynamic; like I said, my older child now requires some separation experience and that's something we are closely monitoring.

The fact that this system is really comfortable for us does not attest to its effectiveness. Perhaps we are lucky in a faulty system, perhaps time will prove it wrong or not ideal. But there is parental satisfaction in owning an opportunity, where kids grow up nurtured and molded in a loving, shared environment. It fits our style, and it definitely props our psyche.

Mon