More parenting memories

My Pen Mates,

What we've turned out to be as parents is severely limited by our observations of our parents interacting with theirs. As children, we do not form conscious ideas of how we need to behave towards our parents. As we get older, that relationship is even less defined as our pre-occupation with life's major concerns pushes that awareness far back from our consciousness.

When I was young, I remember going to church in Bayambang on my father's birthday. That's where he grew up and where all the tombstones of his relatives can be found. Those visits were more memorable because I remember my mother visiting her grandmother on those times we went there. My great grandmother on my mother's side lived in a house close to the railroad tracks. She was so old that I can recall her opaque corneas as she stared upward to try to gain bearing on where her visitors stood relative to where she was. My Mom used to visit her with me in tow. She brought nail clippers with her to trim toe nails which have curled into the pad of her toes. She'll patiently sit at the floor at the foot of her rocking chair and gingerly hold each toe onto her lap and proceeded to trim the nails in silence. I don't even know if my great-grandmother knew who my mother was but I remember her smiling as each of her toes were relieved of those overgrown nails.

As I got older, it caused me some confusion as to why my Mom always had a contentious relationship with her mother. She was devoted to her and I knew that they loved each other, but I remember my mom always admonishing her mother over seemingly trivial matters. They argued over her meals, her constant need to review all the picture albums, her favoritism with some of her grandchildren, and other minor concerns that to my eyes were none-issues, thinking back.

Now that I have children of my own, I've come to value those memories in ways I cannot define. I make a conscious effort to have my children know and relate to their grandparents in a deep meaningful way, although I truly cannot dictate how it should be. Whenever we visit my mother-in-law, I tell them what's expected of them and what will please their grandmother the most. This last Summer, Grace and I sent our two older children to spend a month with my parents so they can form a bond with these kids we have brought into the world. To some extent, it is my attempt to emulate what I witnessed with my mother as she showed a measure of devotion to her Mom and grandmother. I do not know if I do it because it's the right thing to do or because I'm carrying on a practice that I was made witness to.

My great-grandmother passed away on August 17, my date of birth. Her daughter, my grandmother died on the same date many years latter. I make it a point to call my Mom a day before my birthday.

Mon